Grace Fellowship     09/21/08     Self-Control (or, How to Avoid Self-Destruction)    Proverbs 23

Every newspaper has an opinion column.  Many papers have people like Ann Landers (until she died and was replaced by her sister) who offer advice to people who write in with their particular woes regarding weird spouses, neighbors, children, etc.  Laura Schlessinger has a radio program where she talks to callers about their problems and attempts to give sage advice.  Dr. Phil is the TV equivalent and he has tons of books you can read.  There is a lot of advice to be had out there on every imaginable topic.

This book is not an advice column.  It is not an extended record of God’s opinion.  Much of Proverbs sounds like a long running seminar on how to have your best life now.  In a sense, it is that.  The person who hears and takes to heart the words of this book will have a happier life now than the person who merely follows the natural inclinations of his heart and mind.  

But this book, as we said last week, is the communication of God.  This is wisdom recorded for us by the Holy Spirit.  Since that is the case, then it is infinitely more than just good advice for us to consider.  To neglect it is to ignore divine revelation.  So let’s read chapter 23 and see what is there for us from the mind of God Himself.  These instructions are given to us in the context of a father instructing his son or sons in his future interactions with political leaders, with his own children, with women, alcohol, and numerous other very real things.

Proverbs 23
 1  When you sit down to eat with a ruler,  Consider carefully what is before you;
       2  And put a knife to your throat  If you are a man given to appetite.
       3  Do not desire his delicacies,  For they are deceptive food.
       4  Do not overwork to be rich;  Because of your own understanding, cease!
       5  Will you set your eyes on that which is not?  For riches certainly make themselves wings;
          They fly away like an eagle toward heaven.
       6  Do not eat the bread of a miser,  Nor desire his delicacies;
       7  For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
         “ Eat and drink!” he says to you,  But his heart is not with you.
       8  The morsel you have eaten, you will vomit up,  And waste your pleasant words.
       9  Do not speak in the hearing of a fool,  For he will despise the wisdom of your words.
       10  Do not remove the ancient landmark,  Nor enter the fields of the fatherless;
       11  For their Redeemer is mighty;  He will plead their cause against you.
       12  Apply your heart to instruction,  And your ears to words of knowledge.
       13  Do not withhold correction from a child,  For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
       14  You shall beat him with a rod,  And deliver his soul from hell.
       15  My son, if your heart is wise,  My heart will rejoice—indeed, I myself;
       16  Yes, my inmost being will rejoice  When your lips speak right things.
       17  Do not let your heart envy sinners,  But be zealous for the fear of the LORD all the day;
       18  For surely there is a hereafter,  And your hope will not be cut off.
       19  Hear, my son, and be wise;  And guide your heart in the way.
       20  Do not mix with winebibbers,  Or with gluttonous eaters of meat;
       21  For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty,  And drowsiness will clothe a man withrags.
       22  Listen to your father who begot you,  And do not despise your mother when she is old.
       23  Buy the truth, and do not sell it,  Also wisdom and instruction and understanding.
       24  The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice,  And he who begets a wise child will delight in him.
       25  Let your father and your mother be glad,  And let her who bore you rejoice.
       26  My son, give me your heart,  And let your eyes observe my ways.
       27  For a harlot is a deep pit,  And a seductress is a narrow well.
       28  She also lies in wait as for a victim,  And increases the unfaithful among men.
       29  Who has woe?  Who has sorrow?  Who has contentions?  Who has complaints?  Who has wounds without cause?  Who has redness of eyes?
       30  Those who linger long at the wine,  Those who go in search of mixed wine.
       31  Do not look on the wine when it is red,  When it sparkles in the cup,  When it swirls around smoothly;
       32  At the last it bites like a serpent,  And stings like a viper.
       33  Your eyes will see strange things,  And your heart will utter perverse things.
       34  Yes, you will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea,  Or like one who lies at the top of the mast, saying:
       35  “ They have struck me, but I was not hurt;  They have beaten me, but I did not feel it.  When shall I awake, that I may seek another drink? ”

In reading through this chapter, we are warned about bad associations, and encouraged in good ones.  Notice all the different relationships mentioned in these few verses.  Relations with politicians and drunkards (which are often one and the same person), sluggards and prostitutes, parents and children, the rich and the orphan.  Then there are certain lusts and desires that are brought into all those relationships.  Desires for food and drink, sex and money, power and popularity.  This is a complicated world in which we live.  It requires great wisdom to live here well.

All of this that I’ve mentioned here, and that the authors mention in this and every chapter of Proverbs, speaks of the need for one human attribute that seems to stand head and shoulders above all others.  It is the attribute or quality of self-control.  With it, we live well.  Without it, we bring pain, misery, and heartache upon ourselves and man around us.  Proverbs 25:28 speaks to it even more directly than this chapter does:

  Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls (NKJV).

This is about ruling one’s own spirit, and it is particularly important when we live in a world that is little more than a vat filled to the brim with every kind of sinful, self-gratifying temptation imaginable.  The child of God is inundated with the vanities of a fallen world.  Without some rule over our own spirits, without some measure of self-discipline, we leave ourselves defenseless against their attacks.  Self-control is like the wall guarding a city.  Without it, the city is vulnerable and the enemy has easy access.

Notice the things we must rule over by means of self-control here in Proverbs 23:
    Verses 1-3 - Our appetites; Food is pleasant.  Too much food is unprofitable.  Food offered by an enemy is a weapon against us.
    Verses 4-8 - Money; Riches are not wrong.  Living for and loving money is wrong.  It is idolatry, and it causes us to seek out relationships with people who do not have our best interests in mind.
    Verses 10-11 - The temptation to take advantage of the weak and powerless.  Like stealing the land of someone who has no family to help them defend it.  Or selling a car to someone who cannot read the contract.  
    Verses 13-14 - The temptation to be lenient with a rebellious child because it does hurt the parent when the child must be punished.  It is more comfortable to ignore the problem in the name of mercy and hope against hope that it will go away.  
    Verses 17-18 - We must control the urge to envy the wicked in their success.  Covetousness is a powerful and evil temptation.
    Verses 20-21 - We must control the the urge to join in with the party-goers who love food and drink to excess.  A tailgate party is one thing.  A tailgate weekend is another.  And the uncontrolled indulgence of those appetites invites other dangers as well.
    Verses 27-28 - Men must control their desires for sexual relationships.  There is no shortage of harlots or women who act like them.  Consequently, there is a corresponding abundance of young men who fall prey, and who also become predators.  There is in the heart of a man the desire for such things, and self-control is his wall of defense.
    Verses 29-35 - Strong drink ruins lives, promotes divorce, splits families, and is a common cause of unemployment and poverty.  Wine is not evil.  Too much wine creates a useless, worthless man.  

All of this in one chapter.  And it all speaks to the issue of self-control.  It seems to be a common occurrence that those who have little self-control in one area have little self-control in many other areas as well.  Often, those who cannot control their cravings for food also don’t know when to stop drinking.  Many of those who can’t stop drinking also can’t stop smoking.  Men who imbibe those vices seldom control their eyes very well.  The lust for money and riches is often manifested by a person’s uncontrolled gambling habit.  The lust for power is often pursued by constantly hobnobbing with “the right people”.  And on and on it goes.  

Self-control is needed in every area of all our lives.  Just because we aren’t addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex or power doesn’t mean we don’t have a problem with self-control:
•    We have to control our feet when we’re out on the interstate and we’re running late for work.  
•    We have to control our sleep so we don’t run late for work.
•    We have to keep our tongues in check when we’re tempted to gossip about someone.  
•    We have to control ourselves against impulse buying when we walk through the mall.  
•    We have to reign in the fleshly desire to charge everything we want to a credit card.  
•    We have to get up and go to work when it’s cold outside and the bed is warm.  
•    We have to pay the bills when we’d rather spend the money on toys and gadgets.  
•    We have to buy the car we can afford instead of the car that has the speed we want.  
•    We have to eat at home instead of eating out because its more fun and less work.
•    We have to discipline the children when we’d prefer to ignore them.
•    We have to pay our taxes when we’d prefer to use the money anywhere else.
•    We have to turn off the TV and the computer and the iPod in order to read our Bibles and pray.

There is not a corner of our lives that does not require some measure of self-discipline.  Without it, we become self-destructive.  And we become guilty before God of all kinds of sinfulness.  When the apostle Paul was brought before the governor Felix by the Jews in the book of Acts, he had many occasions to speak with Felix regarding the gospel.  In chapter 24, verse 25, we read,

Now as he reasoned about righteousness, self-control, and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and answered, "Go away for now; when I have a convenient time I will call for you."  

Paul reasoned with Felix about righteousness, either God's righteousness or Felix's lack of it.  He also talked with him about a future day of judgment, which is understandable if you’re talking about the gospel.  But Paul also spoke with Felix about self-control, moderation, self-discipline, and this is presented to Felix in the context of the gospel.  And Felix was afraid.  A lack of self-control is cause for men to be afraid of God.  

2 Timothy chapter 3 puts a much finer point on it for us.  

1 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

It is interesting that lack of self-control is listed alongside the sins of blasphemy, treachery and being despisers of good.  Those who lack self-control are among those who have a form of godliness but deny its power.  Many give the appearance of being godly people, but they actually have no power to live godly lives.  They are characterized in Scripture as being out of control, wild, undisciplined, self-willed, proud, lovers of money and self, and rebellious toward their parents.  The list goes on and it perfectly describes our culture.  We do indeed live in perilous times.

However, notice what Paul says in Galatians 5.  I want you to see something there which should cause the people of God to rejoice. 

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Well, there’s nothing there to rejoice about.  It sounds a lot like the stuff (and the people) Proverbs 23 warns against.  That’s rather bleak.  But keep reading:

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

One of the products of the Holy Spirit indwelling the believer’s life is self-control.  I’m not sure exactly how the Spirit enables us to be self-controlled.  That seems to be a contradiction to me.  Shouldn’t it say the fruit of the Spirit is being controlled by the Spirit?  But that isn’t what it says.  Rather, the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.  I don’t know how it works.  We read that we must walk in the Spirit, and be led by the Spirit of God.  And in 2 Timothy 1:7 we read that God gives all believers “… a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (ESV)  

Could you please turn with me to 2 Peter, chapter 1.  Read with me what Peter says to us there:

1 Simon Peter, a bondservant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who have obtained like precious faith with us by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:  2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue …”

As those who belong to the Lord Jesus, we have everything we need from God for living a godly life.  Now skip down to verse 5:

5 “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control …”

Well which is it?  Does God produce self-control in us through the Holy Spirit living in us, or is self-control something we diligently add to our faith?  I think the answer to that question is “Yes”.  That is why we read that SELF-control is a fruit of the Spirit.  Does that make sense?  Not to me.  I believe it.  I just don’t understand it.  But maybe this will help.  Paul is speaking to his brethren Philippi:

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

God works in us as believers to will and to do, to want to do and to actually do God’s will rather than our own.  Do you know what that means?  It means we don’t have free will.  Praise the Lord, we don’t have free will!  Rather, God is conforming our wills to His will, and I welcome that!  I long for that!  I WANT to do God’s will, even if it is contrary to what I would normally want.  I want that Holy Spirit enabled and empowered self-control, however that works.  Lord, please work mightily in us to will and to live according to YOUR good pleasure.

What all of this means is that self-control is something which the Christian is capable of doing.  Whereas once we were enemies of God, lovers of self, and slaves to sin, now we are indwelt by the Spirit of God who somehow works in us to control ourselves for righteousness’ sake, for the sake of living a holy, godly life.  Self-control produces godly living; but God produces our self-control.  It is a mystery to me how it works, but it is a welcome phenomenon, and it is a sin to be loathed when self-control is absent.

When was the last time you were convicted of your lack of self-control?  For me, it was this morning when the alarm went off.  I believe it is true that whenever we sin, it is because we lose control.  We choose to indulge some fleshly lust rather than reigning ourselves in, keeping our bodies in check, in submission, in obedience to our Lord and Master.   But that is a battle we will fight until we are resurrected.  It will be a happy day indeed when we find ourselves living in physical bodies that are in perfect harmony with God’s will for us so that we always act according to His good pleasure, forever!  Come quickly, Lord Jesus!  But for now, we must be on our guard against our first and foremost enemy: ourselves.  Therefore, add to your faith self-control.